well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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