i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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