Did you just see the Batmobile???
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
