I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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