theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
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