I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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