remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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