saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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