ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
