You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
