Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
