Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
