Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
