Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
