Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
worst night to have a conscience
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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