I feel great
I just peed on a car
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
