So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
