The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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