he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
its liver damage thursday
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