she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
that may or may not have been my penis.
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