Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
