Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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