dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
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Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
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Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
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