My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
