we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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