What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
