Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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