we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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