Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
