Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
