20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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