she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize
