She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
