no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
