omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
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