She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
