WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
