tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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