Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
