What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
