I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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