guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
