I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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