just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
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I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
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I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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