Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
