Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Welp...herpes.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
