i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
