He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
My breasts were aching with rage.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
