I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Randomize
