I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
19 Characteristics That Make People Instantly Attractive
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
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Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?