no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number