I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
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