Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(404): View more from Georgia

best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures

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(404): best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures http://tfl.nu/m84y

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(765): View more from Indiana

I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.

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(765): I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings. http://tfl.nu/mgul

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(847): View more from Illinois

better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say

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(847): better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say http://tfl.nu/y3uc

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(972): View more from Texas

My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.

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(972): My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B. http://tfl.nu/k9ee

Replies (10) Good night (1177) Bad night (3618)
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(757): View more from Virginia

I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.

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(757): I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper. http://tfl.nu/o740

Replies (4) Good night (3103) Bad night (875)
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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.

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(403): Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes. http://tfl.nu/co11

Replies (12) Good night (3518) Bad night (1123)
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(573): View more from Missouri

I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.

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(573): I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it. http://tfl.nu/ikx5

Replies (10) Good night (1034) Bad night (3975)
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(406): View more from Montana

You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.

(1-406): View more from Montana

That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.

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(406): You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands. (1-406): That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples. http://tfl.nu/g6g8

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(970): View more from Colorado

I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse

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(970): I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse http://tfl.nu/rdry

Replies (22) Good night (1229) Bad night (2502)
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(330): View more from Ohio

Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.

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(330): Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing. http://tfl.nu/k9wn

Replies (9) Good night (1261) Bad night (456)
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(406): View more from Montana

were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?

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(406): were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong? http://tfl.nu/plyg

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(801): View more from Utah

She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.

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(801): She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch. http://tfl.nu/gwk7

Replies (3) Good night (1082) Bad night (416)
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(407): View more from Florida

There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.

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(407): There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things. http://tfl.nu/bogj

Replies (4) Good night (305) Bad night (1183)
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(864): View more from South Carolina

He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.

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(864): He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal. http://tfl.nu/lm83

Replies (1) Good night (406) Bad night (556)
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(807): View more from Ontario

i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter

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(807): i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter http://tfl.nu/p7cr

Replies (2) Good night (433) Bad night (536)

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