Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.