I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger