help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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