Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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