I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
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