she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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