The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
