this beer tastes like vomit already
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
