had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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