AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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