You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize