did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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