i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
