I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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