I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I have tasted many bathrooms
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
