Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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