My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
