think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize