no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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