The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
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His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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