I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Randomize
