But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
